Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Randomize
