Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
