I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
