No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
