tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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