well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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