Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
