i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
