Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
