I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
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I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
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Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.