I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.