Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......