we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check