i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
My Higher Power is John Stamos
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.