dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
is it fun? or sober?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
