let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
