dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Randomize
