Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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