how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
