Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
