i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
