We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
We are all done wearing pants today
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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