He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
