you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Drunk is not a location!
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize