He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
