i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
