why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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