drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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