I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
