I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I pour the whiskey from now on
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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