between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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