Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
