I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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