The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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