I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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