thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Sober January is a disaster.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
