the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
