Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
ttyl tear gas
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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