all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
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For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
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They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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