Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
