It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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