this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize