I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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