What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
