and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
