you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I'm always down for nudity.
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