i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
