3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
