I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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