ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
