hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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