NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Randomize
