This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize