i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
