Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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