i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
