i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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