I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
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