ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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