I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize