So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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