I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
