I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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