it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
