If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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