It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
We talked him into tasing himself.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
