I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
