look no pants
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
