wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
