I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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