I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
