so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
