no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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