ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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