Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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