My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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