dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
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