i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
